Thoughts on an Alumni Meet

I must confess to a vague inexplicable reluctance to participate in Alumni Meets . One amongst the numerous reasons may be the inability to face the reality of not being able to recognize faces and incidents from the past. For me, the entire 5 years at BITS Pilani back in the sixties has truly blanked out, for I do not recollect a single event, let alone friends. A strong case for a rapidly declining memory (an impending Alzh?), may be made.

Even if the good Lord had retained my memory traits, I doubt whether I would be still excited by a Meet- and that is the issue that I intend to grapple with in this blog. I find comfort in the label of an introvert. However, is this failing? Am I missing something in the passage through earth?

 More to the point- am I really an introvert? Or is there a deeper reason for shying away from such events?.

 At one level , I recognize the relevance and indeed inevitability, of “society” and “culture” impacting the quality of life. I would be miserable if I shunned society and culture and indeed I do participate in gatherings necessitated by norms of good behaviour- attend a marriage, be present in a ritual, stand up for the National Anthem for instance. I find the recluse of Swamis in the Himalayas fascinating, but find little to commend it by way of a living.

A fair number of us assembled in Pilani last weekend, on a trip generously funded by a colleague celebrating his 65^th birthday. This one was a double event. The year happened to be the 50^th since we set foot on the portals of BITS. Besides getting our Alumni Association recognized in the Limca Book of Records (for the largest association of its kind in the country), this gentleman has spent considerable sums of money on keeping the flock together over the years. Whether the costs are significant from his wealth perspective is irrelevant- he has truly gone beyond the call of duty. The Meetings have been held over the years starting from once in 4 years to almost yearly as we desperately try to beat old age.

Two evenings were spent sitting through song and dance a hot day in between in visiting the old “addas” in the College.  A few hours into the Meet realization dawned that there were a fair number like me  with fading memory and I was considerably more at ease ( though not completely out of the woods) when name stickers were distributed. The mutual hugging became more effusive as at least I was able to place a name to an unknown face.

The question that I am trying to find an answer to is the relevance of the Meet. How important has BITS (and , therefore the Association)  been, in shaping my life over the years? The short answer is very little. Except for these periodic Meets I have hardly kept even a modicum of correspondence with any of the Alumni.

If not colleagues, has the Institute in any way been responsible for my present situation in life- good or bad? I recollect the thought provoking commencement speech of Steve Jobs to the graduating class at Stanford University, when he highlighted how each significant event in our past is a “dot” to be connected to find the relevance of our present. BITS Pilani is certainly a dot, but one amongst the many dots – not THE Dot.

If I were to start acknowledging every dot in my past 66 years (School passing, the management Institute , my first job ,marriage, children, my second job etc) there is hardly any time left to live in the present! Do these Meets serve to rejuvenate mentally, ridding oneself of the nagging doubts on the relevance of life and similar questions that arise as one ages?  Truth to tell I seem to have had no such luck. I stopped attending the IIM Meets many years ago, and have no contacts with colleagues in my previous jobs. So why this affinity to BITS?

This time around it was the better half that was insistent. Whether a hidden agenda to get some shopping done in Delhi en route is the motivation I cannot tell. Jaya made friends with wives of a few Alumni. They got along gloriously sharing their years of woe with their spouses. I muddled through the two days making the appropriate and right noises. I realised in long chats with someone whom I had no contacts over the past 50 years, that we share the same concerns on the future. How does that help ?

I find more comfort in Osho and his brilliant exposition on living for the “present”. Ekhart Tolle is another writer whose thinking I support- his book “The Power of Now” impressed me, with its simplicity and seminal approach to life.  Guided by these two writers I hope henceforth I shall be able to avoid these forays into the past and stick to the present. What better present than meeting an old friend and sharing views on how to live in the now, not reminiscence on the past.  

11SEP14

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Professor I J NAgrath RIP

Even in death, Professor Nagrath maintained his stature and dignified presence. Not for him the bent, lean, sunken body and a contorted face. He looked composed, the face continuing to reflect his serious demeanour.

He continued to teach till the end (and a God blessed long life it was), as late as two months ago, when I paid my respects to him at his daughters residence in Hyderabad. He taught me in my 66^th year what punctuality is all about, what preparedness is all about. There he sat, in the sofa immaculately dressed with his traditional tie ready to receive a guest promptly at 4 PM-a student, one amongst the thousands he taught.  I go back to 1964 when the Professor was the Head of the Electrical Engineering Branch at BITS Pilani and I was a graduate student there. In those days, the student –teacher relationship was more akin to a devotee-God relationship. I had never spoken a word to the teacher then, awed by his breadth of knowledge and the sincerity of his teaching. Fifty years on, I am scarcely able to open my mouth still , the past rushing back in waves of incidents. His charming daughter Ritu and her Mother played wonderful hosts, getting me to settle down and putting up with my torrent of words expressed in nervous awe of the Professor.

Professor was hard of hearing the only handicap in an otherwise razor sharp intellect and memory as old as the mountains. He shared with me details of his early days in BITS just at the turn of independence, his distaste of the Corporate world and his quick return to the Alma Mater in early 50,s to pursue Academics. I gathered today that he finally retired from BITS in 2000. Many of comments, spoken rapidly like an excited schoolboy, were just not audible to him. The Professor never exhibited his hearing handicap. He just kept quiet and Ritu and Mother stepped in to continue the conversation. Professor eyes sparkled, however, when he talked of his 17^th book in preparation- in longhand, page at a time.  I assured the Professor that I would arrange a visit of fellow Alumni from Hyderabad to meet him. By his passing away he imparted another bit of learning – of the need to be committed to statements, or not make them at all.

His Family was around him today, the daughters and the son.  Mrs Nagrath, stoic in the moment of distress, whilst Ritu received mourners quickly relieving them of the embarrassment of what to say. His son sat throughout with his wife at the end of the room, quiet and immersed in thoughts and the second daughter (from the USA),went around offering Prasad.

In keeping with the customs of my community I slinked away without bidding adieu to the grieving family. Breathing the late morning moisture  drenched air, as I got into my car, I looked up and sent a silent prayer to the Grand Old Teacher , now with the Gods , to bless  me with some of the sterling qualities that made Professor I.J Nagrath a true Guru .