It is in our thirties that we experience the pangs of
departed souls as grandparents and relations of that generation move on. However, immersed in our
career and the challenges of bringing up children there is little or no time to
mourn their loss. Often the news trickles down well after the event.
The next phase is in our late fifties when persons
in our parents’ generation bid adieu.
The pain and the loss is severe and there is a distinct change in our views to
life and living. Suddenly, the frailty of life stares at us and the pace and aggressiveness slows down .
I am in the third phase now entering the 70s ,
when names of friends and colleagues are deleted frequently from the whatsapp
and email groups. The condolences are longer, the losses discussed in detail as
time hangs heavily. Each departing brings in its wake, reflections of times gone
by, memories pleasant and unpleasant and the uncertainty in my own future.
But Mami was much more than a friend . She was to
me a philosopher and guide entering my life when I was married for just over a
year and the “adjustments” issues post the birth of our first daughter had
slowly manifested itself. Mami was our neighbor who walked in and introduced herself
and from that moment gave us a trustworthy , concerned and ever willing guide
for all our petty day to day problems. Here was a lady who lost her husband
tragically in an air crash and was left to bring up three children. We added a
son and a daughter ( and a one year old granddaughter) to Mamis brood. There
was hardly any day when we were not in her residence.
Career compulsions took me elsewhere and over the five decades
since, I managed to meet Mami just once in Hyderabad. All the three children are
well settled in Career and Family. The previous 11 word sentence camouflages thousands
and thousands of days of hard work for Mami, bereft of companionship. Age had slowed her pace now , but this was compensated by an ever more bonhomie and cheer.
Not for Mami the discussions on value of life and its purpose. She lived it to
the full, without the “luxury” of remorse and despondency prevalent in common
mortals. Her proficiency and abiding love for Scrabble must have introduced her
to newer synonyms and meanings for words like adversity, life, charity, kindness,
forgiveness.
It was so touching of her children to trace me
out from Mamis address book and inform me of her joining the celestial. Even in
her passing away she leaves a message for us to live each day with compassion
and grace. I strangely feel lighter, knowing that if at all there is another world,
I would be fortunate to meet up with her and continue the relationship.
++++
Ms Shantha Viswanathan mother of Sheila ,
Sekhar and Geetha passed away in Bangalore on 5JAN16
